Friday, August 24, 2018

Grieving a loved one



In life, I think death is the hardest thing to deal with. It can knock us on our ass and make it feel almost impossible to get back up. But after time,  that impossible feeling fades away. 



I've lost a few people In my short life. My grandparents,  my older brother,  even an old friend. 
My grandparents lived to be in their 80's, so they had a long life. I was able to invite my grandmother to my wedding which I was so grateful for. I loved my grandparents but I hardly knew them.  My biggest regret was not getting to know them before they passed away. 


My friend passed away in 2012. He died from drunk driving. He and his friend decided to go for a drive while extremely wasted. When a cop tried to pull them over,  he decided it would be best to outrun the cop.. which led to him crashing into a large tree going over 100 mph. They both died on impact. 
I was mad that he chose to drive drunk,  and put his friend in danger along with him. It took me a while to forgive him for that. But now I just miss him. 

My Brother is still the hardest death I've had to deal with. He was a funny guy. Always have big bear hugs, he loved going on an adventure like backpacking in the mountains. He even moved to Alaska to "live off the land". Which just ended up with him being homeless. But no matter what he did,  he always made friends, and he always seemed happy. My brother was an alcoholic. He had friends who partied all the time,  so he did too. And he just never stopped. About a year before he died,  he was working at 
Lake Powell, Utah. 
He would party with other employees. One night at a party,  he had to be picked up by helicopter and taken to a hospital in Arizona. His pancreas had exploded and he was inches from death.  He survived and tried to keep himself away from alcohol. 
Back then,  I was 17 with my own life. I didn't get that he almost died.  I didn't understand that he was an alcoholic.  I just knew he annoyed me just because he was my brother. 
I don't know if he ended up going back to alcohol in that last year of his life. On June 10th 2010, he was on his way back home from Yosemite in California. He went with his trucker friend who's route went that way. His friend stopped for gas while my brother nailed in his cab.  When his friend got back to the truck, he couldn't get his truck started. He tried to wake my brother,  noticed that his lips were blue. He called the cops,  ambulance pronounced him dead while a medic was on the phone with my mom. She heard them call the time of death. 
He was 25.

My brother's death affected me in a very deep way. It opened my eyes to my life. It made me want to live my life for him. Go on an adventure and be the outgoing, fun person he was. Now that I'm 26. I've outlived my brother. I haven't done many adventures or done anything differently. But I still keep him with me through everything I go through. Because he never got to experience it. He never got to get married,  or have kids,  or settle down and find out who he could have been. 
I'm grateful for my life and the things I have. I think his death has made me a more grateful person. I don't take my life for granted, because if him. 

I know that losing someone is so hard to go through. Coming from a person who has lived 8 years without my brother, it gets easier. Losing a loved one teaches you lessons that you wouldn't learn otherwise. 


20 comments:

  1. Losing a loved one is never easy. I lost my father a few years ago and still can't cope with the fact that he's gone on some days. Thanks for these tips. Good read.

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  2. I remember when I lost my grandparents it hit pretty hard. There are many times when I miss them. When I wish they were still around so I can ask a fleeting question. Or just say hi one more time. Thank you for sharing.

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  3. Losing a loved one is never easy. It is something I'm afraid of. They say time heals but does it? I'm not sure. Hugs to you because I cannot imagine what losing a brother would be like.

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  4. Thanks for sharing your story to us. Grief is the hardest to deal with I have to agree. My dad has passed away due to cancer since 2012 and now I am still feeling in pain whenever I think of him. I hope more people are aware of drink driving as it is really not a responsible thing to do and causes life.

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  5. I lost my mom when I was 22. It wasn't really sudden because she was terminally ill. We already know that she'd pass eventually. But still, it hurt a lot when it happened. Years have passed by and it still hurts. Mostly because we feel like she was taken too young. With prayers, we were able to move on. But she'll always be in our hearts.

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  6. Losing a loved one is always hard, especially when they are so close to you. I have been through a very painful death and I still can't tell I've fully recovered, even if it's been almost 10 years...

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  7. I am so sorry to hear about the loved ones you've lost. I lost someone close to me at a young age and it was the hardest thing I ever went through.

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  8. Grieving a friend or family member is never easy. I'm very sorry to hear that you lost your friend to drunk driving.

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  9. It's always hard when we lose a loved one. My husband lost his dad and I know it was rough on him. I am sorry about your friend.

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  10. Losing a friend or family member is never simple. It is something I'm apprehensive about. They say time recuperates however isn't that right? I don't know. Embraces to you since I can't envision what losing a sibling would resemble.

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  11. i am so sorry to hear about your loved ones. Grieving someone so close is really tough. Wish you all the powers through this hard time.

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  12. Losing someone is never easy. It is more than realizing the person is dead, it is all that you used to have with them that is also gone. I am sorry for your loss

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  13. I haven't lost anyone who died young in my lifetime so far, so i don't know how that feels. Losing my parents, however, was very hard.

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  14. I recently lost my dear uncle and my cousin. I feel the same too and it's just not the same anymore.

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  15. Agreed that losing someone we loved and cared about are the hardest thing to deal with. I lost my grandparents and uncles a few years back and it's really sad. There's lesson learned in each journey we take.

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  16. I'm sorry to know that you lost someone. Yah we will know that death is the hardest part of life so enjoy every moment in your life. time is too short for everything.

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  17. I am sorry for your loss! I can related as I lost my Father yesterday 3 years ago. For some odd reason, I grieved very differently, but I miss him dearly. He was an amazing Father, but I know he'd want me to be happy and successful for my son and myself in general. So I do that to the best of my abilities.

    Thanks for sharing your story. Hugs!

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  18. It's always so sad when death steps in and I'm so sorry about your losses. Anyway, it's always better to grieve and come to terms with the situation before moving on.

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  19. It is really hard to lose a loved one. It was the hardest for me when my grandmother died. I missed her so much.

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    Replies
    1. So true. I have learnt a lot from death. The challenge is to be aware that you have limited time and yet try not to let that affect you beyond a point.

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