Grieving a loved one
In life, I think death is the hardest thing to deal with. It can knock us on our ass and make it feel almost impossible to get back up. But after time, that impossible feeling fades away.
I've lost a few people In my short life. My grandparents, my older brother, even an old friend.
My grandparents lived to be in their 80's, so they had a long life. I was able to invite my grandmother to my wedding which I was so grateful for. I loved my grandparents but I hardly knew them. My biggest regret was not getting to know them before they passed away.
My friend passed away in 2012. He died from drunk driving. He and his friend decided to go for a drive while extremely wasted. When a cop tried to pull them over, he decided it would be best to outrun the cop.. which led to him crashing into a large tree going over 100 mph. They both died on impact.
I was mad that he chose to drive drunk, and put his friend in danger along with him. It took me a while to forgive him for that. But now I just miss him.
My Brother is still the hardest death I've had to deal with. He was a funny guy. Always have big bear hugs, he loved going on an adventure like backpacking in the mountains. He even moved to Alaska to "live off the land". Which just ended up with him being homeless. But no matter what he did, he always made friends, and he always seemed happy. My brother was an alcoholic. He had friends who partied all the time, so he did too. And he just never stopped. About a year before he died, he was working at
Lake Powell, Utah.
He would party with other employees. One night at a party, he had to be picked up by helicopter and taken to a hospital in Arizona. His pancreas had exploded and he was inches from death. He survived and tried to keep himself away from alcohol.
Back then, I was 17 with my own life. I didn't get that he almost died. I didn't understand that he was an alcoholic. I just knew he annoyed me just because he was my brother.
I don't know if he ended up going back to alcohol in that last year of his life. On June 10th 2010, he was on his way back home from Yosemite in California. He went with his trucker friend who's route went that way. His friend stopped for gas while my brother nailed in his cab. When his friend got back to the truck, he couldn't get his truck started. He tried to wake my brother, noticed that his lips were blue. He called the cops, ambulance pronounced him dead while a medic was on the phone with my mom. She heard them call the time of death.
He was 25.
My brother's death affected me in a very deep way. It opened my eyes to my life. It made me want to live my life for him. Go on an adventure and be the outgoing, fun person he was. Now that I'm 26. I've outlived my brother. I haven't done many adventures or done anything differently. But I still keep him with me through everything I go through. Because he never got to experience it. He never got to get married, or have kids, or settle down and find out who he could have been.
I'm grateful for my life and the things I have. I think his death has made me a more grateful person. I don't take my life for granted, because if him.
I know that losing someone is so hard to go through. Coming from a person who has lived 8 years without my brother, it gets easier. Losing a loved one teaches you lessons that you wouldn't learn otherwise.